| I was reading and catching up on my subscriptions, instead of writing my paper of course, and this is what I have to say.
Dear Ex-BF:
Me, you-- we're on the same boat. We're both fucked. We both fucked up in our lives and honestly, it was with each other. We were stupid and now we're paying for our mistakes, but we realize that now and we're trying to make it better. I hope. I am, I'm not quite sure what/how you're doing.
You have no idea how much I've changed in the past year and 3 months. I'm not that girl you portrayed me to be, and I'm not the girl that you wanted me to be either. I'm me, I wasn't all about parties or having fun all the time. What I was about back then, was getting the space I didn't get growing up. Yea, you had to mature quickly, but I was raised a homebody, sheltered. You got your freedom, let me have mine. In the past year and three months, I got my freedom and I'm settling down. I'm still not that simple girl you apparently wanted me to be, I still want to be able to go out when I want to, but I'm becoming the homebody I once was, and this time out of choice and not force. I don't think you realized that was all I needed. And maybe, just maybe we would have been fine.
We need to get out shit together, there's not allowed to be anymore fuck ups in this life, I think we've both fucked up enough in this lifetime.
Dear T:
Me, you-- we're also on the same boat. Each rocking it's own different way, but hey- the reason for the stormy seas are both similar. We will get through this one way or another. Just fuck it. Fuck what others have to say. Fuck how he makes you feel and just fuck it. Yea, I'm upset about the stupid-ness of the situation, but I've learned just not to say anything when he makes the references. He asked if I have anything to say, I said nothing worth saying. Because at this point, we're fighting over something we can't control. Stop fighting it and just lay down in your boat and just see where these waves take us.
Like I said the other day,"....you have your own problems. Figure things out. And get back to me when you’re ready. I’ll still be here." We will still be here. Don't fight it anymore, just be there and our time will come.
Dear M, my love:
I'm worried about you, I really am. You can't expect me, your former leader, to read all this, worry about you, and never get any response back as to whether or not you are okay. Whether or not you just need someone to hold you while you cry. I have T as proof, I will just hold you while you cry. I need an update on your life. I need to know you can do this.
It's been four years and I know you're not okay and I don't know why. Yes, I invest a lot of emotional pressure and stress into what I do, but it's worth it, because when you left me, you knew you were loved. You knew you were not alone. You just knew everything will be okay. You're not there anymore and I want to help you through that.
And I want your frikken Tumblr dammit. You keep talking about it, and I want it. Yea, maybe I sound like a creep because I want to know what's going on, but hey, you won't tell me. I'll find out one way or another. I'm going to be one of those crazy moms, just watch.
Message me it.
Dear B-B:
I miss you. Lunch. We need to catch up.
Okay, I'm done. It's 330am and I've said what I had to say. For now. Back to my paper.
Oh.. and this is how I feel right now about my paper--- and in general you EMO bitches (although I'm not any better, is this why we blog?). BTW T- mission accomplished with that shirt, today was a win in the end. :P |
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