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| Ugghhh I'm so dumb I can't stand it sometimes....
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| No one knows how I really feel. The fact that people can sit there and assume that I've gotten over things so easily is pure bullshit.
I'm sorry I'm not mopey enough to your liking, I'm sorry I don't express every painful emotion that passes through me from day to day. I'm trying to live my life and figure things out on my own. As much as I want to depend on people, that's where I went wrong. I have to learn to this shit on my own.
I'm so conflicted. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
When you said that to me, when you assumed that things were so easy for me, it was a slap in the face. You have no idea. And now, everything just surfaces. The pain comes around again. The times of the year doesn't help either...
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| Enter away messageAs I sleep, I let my unconscious self wonder about what it is that is keeping you up still, what it is your planning, and if I need to be prepared to take action...
I want what is best, but obviously time is working against us. Everybody is on edge, we all need to choose our words carefully...
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| -My life has turned to shit and I honestly think I don't care anymore.
The past weekish has just been one fail after another. My Vietnamese presentation was a bust, the internet probably got shut off in my room, my laptop pretty much crashed, my rash turns out to be the shingles, and I can't even remember the speech I had in my head for a position I really wanted. And that's just the beginning of my endless list of issues.
But in a sense, I guess all things have to even out. If one person is slowly regaining their happiness, the other begins to suffer, right?
In the psychology of subjective well-being, we learn that no matter how happy or unhappy you become, you always go back to the set point of happiness that is in your genes.
50% of happiness is your set point, 40% is intentional activity, and 10% is the circumstances and situations that you are put in.
I tried to move up that 40%, but life is bringing me back down to the level I was born with....
The point is, no one can be happy forever, even if you try. Everybody has their time, and mine has come and gone and now I'm waiting for it to circle back around....
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| I pulled out my old artwork today, and I miss doing these things that used to take me away.
It's not so much the physical art I miss, because that's a pain in the ass, to me anyways, I miss the digital art. I miss photoshopping, I miss 3D modeling, I miss animations, hell, I even miss Flash.
It's all frustrating, but when it came down to it, it brought me away and it calmed me down, it cleared my thoughts. Even the physical art did some of that for me.
It's too bad I don't have the time for it anymore...
The drama may or may not be done and over with, but where do we go from here? Hopefully no where but up...
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